Welcome to Radhika's newsletter INTENT: a guide for high achievers who want an extraordinary life. Each issue brings you real stories, practical strategies, and the intention behind how we work, lead, grow, and live.

A few weeks ago, I went home (mostly to see my amazing family, and partly because my mom's been ECSTATIC about the fact that I'm finally getting married and wanted to throw me a party with all her aunty friends).

The entire event was actually a lot of fun. 99% of the time I had no idea what was happening but the smile and joy I saw on everyone's faces just made my day. I might never understand this part of Indian culture but I'm glad my marriage brings so many aunties and uncles in the community something to live for, dress up for, and celebrate.

Anyway… I'm getting off topic.

At this event, there were a few young girls: me, my sister straight out of college, 2 freshmen in high school, and a senior in high school. (They're all so young!)

Of course I sat at the kid table at dinner, and after a little bit of yapping, I had to get the tea from them. I went around and asked them about any drama in high school. One of the girls immediately started talking about her boyfriend who's now her ex and how her best friend is no longer her best friend. Typical high school stuff. We definitely all talked about that for a while.

And then there was this other freshman in high school — let's call her Ada. She's not a quiet person at all. Someone with a lot of energy and a lot to say, but during this entire conversation she stayed quiet.

I eventually asked her: "Hey, you didn't say anything when we were talking about boyfriends… do you like anyone, or are you dating someone, or do you have a boyfriend?" And she immediately goes:

Woah.

I was not expecting that response. "I love myself too much?" That too in high school? That's insane. Never have I ever met anyone who loved themselves in college, let alone high school.

I was shocked, then impressed, then almost wanted to applaud.

Then I was like: I love that! That's exactly how it should be. You focus on yourself first. Anyone else you bring into your life comes after. That's what most of my work is about: personal development.

So then I changed the conversation: "Hey, I know you're only a freshman and you have so much time to figure it out.. but any idea what you want to study in college?"

And with the utmost confidence, she says: "Yes. I want to be a lawyer and own my own firm. And not just any small firm. A big one that makes a difference."

DAMN.

I'm 28 and still figuring out what I want.

That's what stopped me cold. Not just the self-love part — but the clarity.

She didn't say "I think I want to be in law, maybe." She didn't hedge. She didn't add "but I don't know, it might change." She named it. The career, the scale, the why. All of it, at 14, without flinching.

And I think that's actually the harder thing to hold onto as we get older.

Because here's what I've noticed: most of us do know what we want. Somewhere deep down, we have a version of Ada's answer sitting quietly inside us. But we've learned to second-guess it.

We get distracted by what looks good on a resume, what pays well, what our parents hoped for, what our peers are doing. And slowly, year by year, the original signal gets buried under so much noise that we convince ourselves we don't know what we want at all.

But I don't think that's true. I think we know. We're just afraid to say it out loud because saying it makes it real, and real things can fail.

Ada hasn't learned that fear yet. That's her superpower.

It’s almost rare to have this level of clarity. Most people spend their entire career waiting for permission to have it.

I don't know what it was about her, or that moment, that will forever stay with me. Maybe because I'm nothing like her. Maybe because I wish I had that level of confidence and guts to say out loud what I want and go after it. Maybe because I got a little throwback to Radhika in high school.. who was so shy, didn't speak a single word, and was afraid of what people would think. Mostly because high school Radhika definitely did not love herself. I don't think she even knew what that meant. She was so focused on pleasing others and staying in constant confusion about how the world around her works.

I think a lot of our adult self-doubt and uncertainty about our choices actually stem from our childhood. The insecurities have always been with us. And if we don't decide to either 1) figure out where they come from, or 2) figure out how to turn that self-doubt into self-love, it will continue to hold us back. I don't want that for any of us.

The timing of this piece is funny. Last week, I got to spend a lot of time with myself, and a few days in, I was thinking about the sheer number of activities and hobbies I'm into. Old me would've said that's so problematic. It's better to focus on a handful and go deeper into one or two things. Instead, I'm equally bad at everything. Master of none.

But instead of feeling bad about it, I chose to focus on the love I had for these interests and in turn, the love I had for myself for being interested in so many things. Driving at night, I even said to myself: Man, I love me. And I literally had butterflies in my stomach. Crazy to feel that way.

Think back to who you were at 14. What did she or he believe about themselves that you've been carrying ever since without ever questioning whether it was true?

And here's the second one (the harder one):

If you let yourself answer honestly, without hedging, without shrinking it down to something safe: what do you actually want? From your career. From your life.

You don't have to answer out loud. But sit with it. That might be where everything begins.

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Until next time,
Radhika
Living and leading with INTENT.